Language Barrier

Struggles we encounter as non-native speakers

“Then, he started to assess our relationship, you know, pros and cons,” Stephanie told me as we ate pho at a Vietnamese restaurant in Elmhurst. We were surrounded by people talking in various languages, just another scene in culturally diverse Queens. We were discussing this and that of our dating lives. “Pros and cons? Didn’t you guys go out only five times or so?” I asked. “I know, but that is not the point. As he listed the cons, he said ‘well then, there is a language barrier.’”

I am a Japanese, born and raised in Japan. Growing up, English was something I learned in a classroom, not a part of my every day life. Stephanie is a mix of Japanese and American. Yet, as she grew up in Japan, she is pretty much in the same situation as me. Even after considerable years spent in the U.S., Japanese is still our native tongue and English is the second, with a large gap in between. Of course, it does not mean that we cannot understand the English language. We both attended colleges here in the U.S. and use English on a daily basis. We use it at work, with friends, and with those we are romantically involved. Sure, we might not be able to express our feelings as eloquently as the native speakers, but we have no problem communicating in English.

“Of course we have a language barrier, dah, but that was not what annoyed me,” Stephanie continued. “He used it as an excuse for not understanding my feelings.” She was seeing this American guy she had met a few months back. About a week prior, they had an argument, more like a misunderstanding, when he assumed Stephanie was upset with him. She was not upset at all and even though she told him so over and over, he was still worried. He even brought it up at the next date and that was when he said, “I might not have understood you better because of our language barrier.” That was the moment she felt a surge of anger. “Why did he use it as an excuse? He did not understand me because he did not understand me, not because I was a non-native speaker. Didn’t it occur to him that even two native English speakers struggle to communicate with each other?” Thankfully, she explained her feelings thoroughly and patiently as they talked it over.

We came here, like many others in New York City, all the way from our hometowns or even home countries. Everyone’s circumstances are different: some for better opportunities, some to support their families, or some escaping from the devastating situations in their countries. One of the many struggles we encounter is the challenge of a language. Sometimes I find myself talking to people each of whose native language is something other than English, including mine. We still communicate in English, the middle ground that everyone can understand. It is such a natural thing to happen in an international city like New York, but I still occasionally get awestruck how extraordinary it is. We brought ourselves to communicate in a foreign language, to work with those from different backgrounds, and even to have romantic relationships with native English speakers. Shouldn’t we be proud that we are able to do so?

When I think about a language barrier, I often remember the days I spent in Paraguay. I was a college student, and my friend from school most generously invited me to spend a month in summer at her home in Asunción. She was a Japanese Paraguayan, so her family spoke both English and Japanese. So I did not learn any Spanish before going there, the dumbest decision I had ever made. I soon learned that was a huge mistake. Her family and friends were very nice to me and I still had a wonderful time. Yet it would have been an even more enjoyable stay if I could communicate with the locals in Spanish absorbing their culture first hand and not having to stop every conversation so my friend could translate everything for me. Instead of admitting my foolishness and learning Spanish, I became irritated with my friend. I put her aside and told her that when she and her friends talk in Spanish, I felt left out. She apologized even though it was not her fault at all. I still feel embarrassed time to time remembering how ignorant and disrespectful I was towards their culture. Even a little effort would have made a huge difference. Sometimes a language barrier is what we create with our own mistakes.

As I was having a glass of red wine with Fumi, another Japanese friend of mine, in a chic Spanish bar in SOHO, she told me her story. She has a Spanish husband who has moved to the U.S. at a young age. He is pretty much a native English speaker and they communicate in English. When they had arguments, she used to call him “stupid.” She meant it in a teasing way, like “a little fool you,” but eventually he told her that it had deeply hurt him. She told me, “you know, as non-native speakers, we often process English words through a filter. We use our brains before feeling them at heart.” That had me thinking. I have a tendency to speak before considering what impact my words could cause. Even in Japanese. With the filter of a foreign language, it would probably be worse. I realized I had to be extra careful with words. That was a strange revelation for me as I had been trying so hard to convey my feelings articulately with more vocabularies that it totally slipped from my mind that I had to save some words to avoid miscommunications or worse, hurting others.

Language is an interesting thing. It can be used both to abuse and bring joy to others. I still struggle to express my opinions and feelings in my native tongue. Having to do so in a foreign language is an extra challenging task. At the same time, as I learned and lived in English over the years, I have been gradually able to get a certain sense in the language. I can get the style of writing, the manner of speaking, a certain feel and implications in conversations. That is the greatest thing to learn another language, not just getting the meaning of it, but being able to take in nuances. I am still not there, but I aspire one day to be able to take in the English language just like the native speakers do. Or maybe that day will never come. Language might be too complex of art to achieve that. Am I the master of my native tongue? Certainly not. I guess I will find it out someday. Until then, all I can do is to take a pride that I am carrying on my life in a language different from my native tongue, to learn from the mistakes I made, and to laugh at the confusions and miscommunications brought by a “language barrier” with those who are awesome enough to take me as I am, a Japanese in New York struggling to communicate in English.

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