Networking/Connecting

Networkers go to events believing that attendance is worthwhile only if they meet the right person. Connectors go to events believing that they will enjoy them independent of who they meet.

When networkers enter an event, they are looking to make business contacts first, some of whom may serendipitously become friends later. When connectors enter an event, they are looking to make friends first, some of whom may serendipitously become business contacts later.

Networkers focus on the number of connections they can make, and how others can help them. Connectors focus on the depth of connections they can make, and how they can help others.

Networkers’ first question often is “What do you do?” Connectors’ first question most often is not “What do you do?”

If you ask a networker a question such as “What’s been most on your mind?” they might respond like a deer in the headlights, or probably respond with work-related concerns. If you ask a connector a question such as “What’s been on your mind?” they might share a project, a personal concern, or something related to work that is not limited to an aspect that drives more revenue.

Networkers use the first 30 seconds to decide whether they want to continue talking. Connectors use the first 30 seconds wanting to hear what you want to say.

If networkers enter an already started conversation, they tend to ask the question on their mind, independent of what the topic is. If connectors enter an already started conversation, they tend to focus on making their entrance as seamless as possible, and not derailing the topic.

Networkers may refer to themselves as connectors. Connectors avoid referring to themselves as connectors. (They might say they enjoy connecting people, or building community, instead.)

Networkers avert their gaze while in conversation, looking around to see who else they might want to talk to. Connectors look you in the eyes while in conversation, wanting to connect with you.

Networkers focus on your resonance with them in your work, and they want you to be curious about them. Connectors focus on your resonance with them in your passions, and they are curious about you.

Networkers worry if they don’t find out what you can offer them. Connectors worry if they talk too much in the conversation. Networkers tend to ask for more than they give. Connectors tend to give more than they ask.

At the end of a conversation, networkers might connect because of something that you didn’t talk about that they want to know more about, and that connection comes from a place of need. At the end of a conversation, connectors might connect because of something that you talked about that they want to know more about, and that connection comes from a place of interest.

Networkers ask you for your card — their first option — or add you on LinkedIn. Connectors ask you for your email, text you, or add you on their social account of preference (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram.) Maybe LinkedIn once in a while. Cards are a last resort for connectors, and often they might not even want to carry cards.

Near the finish of the event, networkers will try to strike up conversation with people with only a few minutes left. Near the finish of the event, connectors can head home, satisfied with the small number of great connections they made. At the end of the night, networkers look back on their business cards as an evaluation of their success making a large number of small connections. At the end of the night, connectors look back on their deep conversations as an evaluation of their success.

Once networkers have added you to their network, they might share on social media to promote their interests, and get excited about their successes. Once connectors have added you to their community, they might share on social media to promote your interests, and get excited about your successes. Networkers send along information and emails to you, sometimes independent of your interests. Connectors only send along information and emails relevant to you and your interests.

Networkers ask you to meet up for a coffee, to “pick your brain.” Connectors may ask you to meet up to do something other than have coffee, and often to just geek out about something in which you both have an interest.

If networkers are running late, they may or may not apologize when they get there. If connectors are running late, they communicate to you as soon as they know when they are running late, and let you know their ETA.

When networkers see you, conversation usually begins with business topics — they may ask how things are going, or may directly ask what is new with work as it relates to them. When connectors see you, conversation usually begins with non-business topics — they may ask how you are doing, or may directly ask what is new with your passion as it relates to your common interest. Networkers may ask you what is on your plate at work. Connectors may ask you what has been on your mind.

If there is something networkers can deliver to make an impression, they might make big promises — and if it doesn’t hold up, then it doesn’t hold up. If there is some way connectors can help, they might promise something that they know they can do — and if it doesn’t happen, it might bug them because there is a dissonance between what they said they would do and what they actually did.

If there is someone that networkers introduce you to, they may make the introduction by saying what you do professionally, and letting you take it from there. If there is someone that connectors can connect you to, they may do so by saying what you spend your time on, what you are skilled in, and what kind of person you are, and explaining why it would be beneficial to both of you to connect.

Networkers celebrate the value of you meeting each other and getting along as it helps them. Connectors celebrate you meeting each other and getting along.

Networkers care about continuing to build value in their social bank, so that they can withdraw and cash out at some point. Connectors care about continuing to help people, because they find meaning, enjoyment, and serendipity in doing so.

Networkers may over-plan their strategy for building contacts. Connectors have set themselves up for serendipity when the context calls for it.

Networkers might check in over time when they see that you have changed jobs or have a new project, or when they are looking for help to do the same. Connectors might check in over time when they see that it has been a while since you talked, and they don’t like building too much distance.

Which one do you aim to be?

Which one sounds like how you currently are?

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What else distinguishes a networker and a connector for you? If you have additional ideas, please share in the comments.

Some people may disagree with the above, or say that the two types of people above might be better described as good networkers and bad networkers.

Many of us already distinguish between networking and connecting naturally in our words and actions.

• If someone has learned how to build and support relationships well, it is highly unlikely that they are introduced by someone else as a skilled networker. They might be introduced by someone as a skilled connector.
• I view connecting as a frame of mind, and networking is an activity or tool for other goals. While connecting may end up benefiting someone, rarely do people go into a situation saying “I’m going to do some serious connecting.” Someone might say that about a networker, however.

As my grandmother likes to say, “that’s all I know about that for now.”

This list is not complete. If you have other ideas about practices or thoughts that differentiate networkers and connectors, please let me know on Twitter @mikemaccombie or comment below.

Thank you to those folks whose conversations with me have guided my understanding here, including: Michael Roderick, Chris Schembra, Tim Malloy, Nick Dolik, Dan Simerman, Christopher Lucke, Aaron Cohn, Adriel Bercow, Mateusz Kaliski, Michael X. Farber, Amy Pan, Katie Frankel, Andy Ellwood, Anoop Kansupada, Arthur Matuszewski, Ben Bechar, Hayley Darden, Margot Putnam Delaney, Bill Cromie, Brandon Bryant, Cesar Kuriyama, Daren McKelvey, Danny Quick, Demi Obayomi, Earle Richards, Eddie Washington, Gabe Marcial, Geri Kirilova, Jeremy Redleaf, Jesse Stern, John Exley, Jonathan Gass, Colin Timothy O'Brady, Richard Murray, Jordan Shapiro, Justin Birenbaum, Justin Gage, Katie Sanders, Mary Pilon, Meghan Holzhauer, Michael Tennant, Steph Bagley, Michael Saloio, Michelle Suconick, Mina Salib, nancy park, Natalie Fratto, Nick Dolik, Rachel Renock, Rey Caacbay, Sahr SJ Saffa, Sam Hysell, Samantha Batista, S. Shah, Shawn Cheng, Simon Keyes, Tom Jaklitsch

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